ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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