i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
