So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
