Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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