just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
