I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
