Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
