Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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