i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you inspire me to be a worse person
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
