I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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