one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
