i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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