She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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