wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize