bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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