woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
