Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
