So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
