Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
