I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize