and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize