If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
