he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
