glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My vagina is officially offended.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
