Sorry, I don't speak sober.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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