I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
