I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
