possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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