these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
