my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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