I want to have your abortion
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Boobs are out for the taking
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
