the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
