quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
