i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
