I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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