i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
