Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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