I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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