In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
