HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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