You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
