so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
