Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if only i could text you this smell
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
