I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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