I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize