Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
