Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
