I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
