YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
