Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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