i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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