Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize