Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
