at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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