I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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