Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
