I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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