he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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