Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
