Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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