I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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