Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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