Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
