Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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