he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
