It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
