I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is wine microwaveable?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
