She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
