Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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