So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
