The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
