I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
