im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
