i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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