I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
