She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
