According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
