just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
