Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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