i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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