I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
