just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
