PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Randomize
