Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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