If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
