You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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