just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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