Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
